Good morning loves! Hallelujah the sun is shining and long may it continue!
So, todays post is a bit of a rant. I’m pissed. My pal Cat is pissed. the reason why?
Lorraine. well, more notably, Dr Hilary on Lorraine this morning, answering questions around IVF.
Have a listen to this “advice”:
Now, us IVF’ers already know the drill. Being told to “relax” and “be positive” is not helpful advice. Catherine (who works for the amazing Fertility Network) already knows the score, she’s done it 3 times now, all negative results. When you’re a seasoned IVF’er, you’ve already tried relaxing. You’ve tried reflexology, acupuncture, Yoga, Meditation. You’ve done the fertility diet, you’ve done the counselling. You’ve cried and accepted that this round hasn’t worked, and you’ve dusted yourself off, and you’ve picked yourself up and you try again. Because what else is there to do?
Studies have shown that normal day-to-day stress, such as work, family and relationships and daily factors have ZERO impact on your fertility. As human beings our bodies are equipped to deal with daily stresses and we have the chemicals in our bodies to balance them. There have been numerous studies done that show that this limited stress will not impact your ovaries. If however, you work in a highly stressful environment, suffer from severe anxiety disorders, or are actively trying to get pregnant and can’t, this can take a toll on your hypothalamus– the gland in the brain that regulates your appetite and emotions, as well as the hormones that tell your ovaries to release eggs.
Talk about unfair, right? You’re stressed because you can’t get pregnant, and then that stress goes ahead and makes it even harder to fall pregnant, which in turn makes you more stressed. GEE THANKS, BODY.
We know, of course, that women can get pregnant even when extremely stressed, for example in war-torn countries, so really, you cannot put stress down to the reason why you’re not pregnant.
Dr Hilary’s comments really hurt. Being told to try to relax implies that the reason you are not pregnant is your own fault, almost that its something you have done wrong. “Did I not make enough positive affirmations?” “was I wrong to go out that one night and have one glass of wine?” “was that morning jog too rigorous?” IVF and infertility makes you question and scrutinise every aspect of your life and ask yourself what you did wrong.
Stress and fertility treatment
Now, no one is saying the levels of stress faced while trying to fall pregnant is anywhere near the levels of stress faced while trying to stay alive in a war zone. So let’s just get that out-of-the-way.
But, seeking fertility treatment is stressful. For some, massively so.
When we look at how society perceives fertility treatment, associated with patients lack of ability to conceive, and we do psychometric testing in regard to how they are going emotionally, we find the degree of personal stress is not dissimilar to those diagnosed with malignancy, according to experts in Australia.
“The difference is when someone’s got cancer, everyone rallies around them and they have unconditional support. If people have problems conceiving, you don’t get that so much.”
People who are struggling to conceive don’t want to talk about their failure to reproduce, which unfortunately is how society sees it.
In certain cultures, for instance, you don’t have sex before you get married, and as soon as you do, you’re supposed to start reproducing. If you don’t, you’re selfish, broken, and often outcast by family, irrespective of whether you have control over it or not.
So there are huge social factors that will flow on top of the diagnosis and can add even more stress to the situation. Very helpful.
Furthermore, the very nature of trying to make something happen which, realistically, is outside of your control, can be emotionally draining. Focusing on your cycle, your sex schedule, everything that goes with it, is fucking stressful. Way to take the fun out of bedroom Olympics guaranteed.
Google is no help at all. You will look up absolutely every symptom and end up stressing yourself out even more. In my opinion, this only adds to the stress.
Stress management
While it is difficult to establish exactly how much stress affects fertility, it can only be assumed that managing that stress is a good thing (even if it has nothing to do with your reproductive chances and everything to do with your sanity).
How much does stress affect, overall, your chances of conceiving? Well, we don’t know for sure. What we do know however, that is being told to “just relax” is not going to help, regardless of how well-meaning this so-called advice is.
If you really want to offer advice to a friend or loved one, check out my blog from Fertility Week:
https://holliewritesblog.wordpress.com/2017/11/03/nfaw-what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say/
Lorraine, Dr Hilary, here is a proposal for you;
Ask Cat and I to come on This Morning and talk about IVF and Infertility. I have been infertile since I was 19 years old. I can tell you more about how torturous this disease is, and how we need to change the way society perceives those who can’t get pregnant.
Cat, who works for a fertility charity, can offer actual helpful advice for those going through IVF. She is a warrior and represents the #TTCTribe better than Dr Hilary.
Until next time,
Hx
Hollie Writes 
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